Dense humidity and masses of people overflow my brain. New food, smells and impressions are everywhere. Hong Kong, an island within itself. On campus different languages and faces mix and sum up to an incredible buzz that tire me.
Now is the time to meet friends and to make memories together. Explore and learn, take photos that will bring up nostalgia when looking at them in a couple of years. And yes, I am excited and happy, I met nice people, went to beaches and jungles with them and shared some laughs. Yet, there are those moments when I am lying in bed by myself. Then it feels like inside me there is a roller coaster, throwing me from pure happiness to solitude, from laughter to sadness.
In a way it is like reliving the first day of school all over again. Will I ever find friends? What do the others think of me? Will I fit in? Rationally, I can tell myself that yes, of course I will find friends. So far I always managed to get to know people who became very dear to me and apparently do not think that bad of me. And why do I even care about what others think? I always saw myself as quite independent.
Thinking about those I left behind in Europe, I realize how easy it all becomes once you’ve reached the point where everything just works out fine. Friends you can swap your cloths with, people you can call in the middle of the night, familiarity that does not require much effort.
Luckily, I know these mood swings. I know that the pendulum inside me will slow down its speed and will finally stop. That will be the moment to look back and make fun of myself for being insecure for no reason. Step by step. From day to day. As every self-help-book could tell me, friendships have to grow and need to be watered regularly, blabla. I guess I am not the most patient person, but, well, I will try to work on my inner chi and take it as (another) experience that I can grow from as a person.