Trine Blogs: SPSS is trying to get me

(Prior to posting this, I had a nightmare about statistics. I dreamed that if I didn’t compute the variables correctly, the landmines would all blow and the soldiers would die. I feel this is my subconscious begging me to never go near SPSS again.)

I finally had my statistics exam yesterday. After weeks of agonizing, being frustrated, complaining (a lot) and cursing SPSS into the fiery depths of hell, it all culminated in a 2½ hour test designed to make me lose the last shred of sanity – you know, the one tucked into the far back of your mind that you pull out in emergencies; like when you get caught in the worst downpour known to mankind on your way to school, realise you don’t have class and so got soaked for nothing, and then on your way home drop a carton of eggs at the supermarket, yolks oozing over your shoes. You need that spare sanity then to not lose your marbles completely in the middle of aisle three (‘cause that would be embarrassing).

I was hoping I would finish the test and have a funny anecdote. I hoped I could note down my thought process during the test, and that something amusing would pop up. What actually happened was that I didn’t think at all. There simply wasn’t time. By the end of my 2½ hours I was sweating profusely, trembling so badly my last scribbles turned out completely illegible, and feeling that I might both throw up and wet myself at the same time. (I didn’t. That would’ve been embarrassing.)

I left the room with an empty feeling and no recollection of what had just happened, with only plate-sized stains under my arms and a nasty headache to remind me. Did I do well? I don’t know. Did I do the right tests? I think so. Did I come to the right conclusions? Possibly. I thought the data set was ridiculously huge and confusing for a 2½ hour test. I thought the amount of questions was ridiculous for a 2½ hour test, even though our teacher had informed us prior to the exam that we wouldn’t possibly be able to finish it all in time. I mean, I didn’t even have time to eat the chocolate I brought to treat myself between questions! That’s harsh.

I’ll admit it, I’m a bit bitter because I felt I didn’t get to show what I am actually capable of in a calm, collected setting. It was a frantic, panicked scrambling for papers, cursing that writing everything by hand takes forever, and horrible sinking feelings when I noticed there were similar variables for the same topic after I’d completed the analysis. There is no one to blame – I’m not used to paper-based examinations, and our teacher genuinely thought we would have more time to finish. It is what it is.

My boyfriend says I complain a lot, and that I should just wait and see. I completely agree, and tell him he should just be happy I’m not complaining about him, but if he keeps telling me I’m complaining a lot, his luck might just change. It’s just a test. I know that. I can redo it, if need be. The results will be back in two weeks. I hate waiting.

Would you look at that. It did turn into an anecdote after all. Just not a very amusing one, if you ask me. But while I wait for my results, let me tell you what is amusing: the next edition of Univers. I’m in it. I know it will be embarrassing.

Trine Larsen (23) from Denmark studies Management of Cultural Diversity at Tilburg University and blogs for Univers.