Resolutions 2017

When I was a little girl, the first thing on my Christmas list would always be the same: world peace. Adorable, right? I guess back then, I was quite optimistic about the things I would be able to achieve on my own (or perhaps with a little bit of Santa Clause’s help). However, as time passed, something started to change.

Don’t worry, it’s nothing terminal. That little girl who wanted to achieve world peace single-handedly is slowly transforming into Statler and Waldorf. In case you’re wondering, Statler and Waldorf are those two old muppets who watch all the other muppets from their little balcony and just criticise pretty much everything. I know, considerably less adorable, but I’m afraid that this is what is becoming of me.

I try so hard to be nice and kind, but every time I hear someone tell me about how they’re working on a great world-saving project where they plan to turn used eggshells into sustainable organic tricycles (or whatever idiotic thing they have come up with now), I get this uncontrollable desire to punch them in the face and tell them just how tiny and insignificant they are, how they are never going to save the world  and how in ten years they will call me in tears, surrounded by rotten eggshells, telling me that I was right all along.

Of course, I don’t punch anyone. I patiently listen while they tell me how many eggshells are wasted annually and how this will solve global warming and famine. I smile and I nod while making a mental note: “New Year’s resolutions 2017: Stop talking to people.”


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