Cheese for men

Do you know that feeling of wanting your gender confirmed in every single type of product you own? I mean, are you really a true woman if you shave your legs with a razor that isn’t bright pink? No self-respecting man would sanitise his manly man-body with a shower gel that smells of flowers and fruit. Men need to smell like Anarchy™ (©Axe)! I’m not sure what anarchy smells like to be honest, but I’m guessing it’s something supertestosteroney. But my question is: why draw the line at personal hygiene products? In fact, why are there any gender neutral products left on the market at all?

I’m guessing the same questions came to the minds of the marketing machos at Dutch cheese company Eru when they came up with the following commercial slogan: Eru, Cheese for men. I know, throw in a French accent and it sounds like the newest eau de parfum, but no. It’s actual cheese. For men. No more awkward evenings of eating the same inferior cheese as your girlfriend. At last! A cheese that is worth consuming after fighting a bear with your bare hands! A snack manly enough to serve after a shirtless wrestling match with your bearded friends to establish who is the alpha male! Grub worth grabbing after running up the Mount Everest and then skydiving your way down!

I think Eru is onto a goldmine here. In fact, I think they might not even be taking it far enough. Why not market all foods to one specific gender? Perhaps even create different supermarkets for men and women! I can just see the pink flowery stores, filled with tampons and salads, and the dark stores that smell of Anarchy™, filled with beer and man-cheese. The bars on one side of the street filled with women drinking colourful cocktails and the bars on the other side where men chug bottles of whiskey and then smash them against the wall. We might even create a whole separate country for women filled with glitters, wine and yoga, a man-country filled with vodka, icy mountains, and of course, Anarchy™!

I mean, my hormonal mood swings and the junk that emerges from my uterus on a monthly basis do suggest a certain femininity about me, but does that really make me 100% woman? I say, we can’t get our gender confirmed enough these days. Bathe me in gender stereotypes! I want to walk in a rain of oestrogen! Let’s give up this hopeless quest for equality and just accept the common denominator that divides us. Away with gender equality, let’s make 2017 the year of complete gender segregation!

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