Please pee quiet

I generally consider myself an awkward person. I can feel self-conscious about almost anything, from having to sit down next to a stranger on the train to pulling a door that says “push” on it. Recently, however, I discovered something new to feel self-conscious about: the sound of my pee.

This became topic of conversation when my friend expressed her annoyance over middle-aged women who pee loudly at the movie theater. Said friend followed by sharing that she in fact would go out of her way to decrease the volume of her urination, for example, by actively avoiding the porcelain of the toilet bowl. As another friend nodded affirmatively, I started wondering two things.

Firstly, would it be too late to find a new group of friends? And secondly, do I pee loudly? I do often receive comments on the incredible speed at which I urinate. Perhaps my complete disregard for the sensitive ears of my fellow toilet-visitors is the reason why. I don’t waste time on calculating the optimal landing spot for my urine to minimize the amount of noise produced. Everyone (presumably) knows what I came to do, so it never occurred to me to try and cover up the evidence. In fact, I bet you that no self-respecting man has ever considered the possibility that his glorious stream of pee may upset his fellow urinators.

So why can’t us women take pride in the excretion of the by-products of our cellular metabolism? We can have opinions, we can vote, we can get jobs, so why can we not pee without shame? Next time you’re in a toilet, don’t hold back: aim for the porcelain, maximize your volume, be proud of your pee!

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