Law student Eveline was abused by her football coach: ‘During the trial, he avoided my gaze.’

Law student Eveline Antonioli was abused by her football coach. During the trial against him, she exercised her right to speak: ‘He avoided my gaze. In a way, that felt good. As if I finally had power over him.’ She shares her story with Univers.

Eveline Antonioli, in her early twenties, has been through a difficult time. From the age of fourteen to sixteen, she was abused by her football coach. In 2022, the law student filed a report against him. It wasn’t until last year that a trial took place, resulting in a conviction.

Antonioli has made a deliberate choice to share her story with Univers, speaking about what she experienced and how the abuse affected her: ‘I want to give myself and others a voice. It is important to talk about transgressive behavior.’

Abuse

‘When I was fourteen, I had a passion for football. At school, I didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time alone. I was quiet and insecure. Except at the football club, where I felt at home and safe. My teammates and I also kept in touch outside of training, mainly via a group app on WhatsApp. My football coach was also in that app group and chatted a lot there. At one point, he sent me a private message.

‘It started very ‘innocently’. We talked a lot about football. Later, I also received compliments about my play on the field, about my body and he said how much he liked me. After a while, he asked if we could meet in a playground. That was the first time I saw him really alone, and that was also the moment of the first kiss.

‘Shortly afterwards, he suggested that we start a secret relationship. I didn’t want that, but he didn’t accept that and kept insisting. Two months after that first meeting, I finally agreed to the secret relationship. He quickly became a lot more mean and forceful towards me.

‘According to him, sex was just part of a relationship. My classmates also talked a lot about sex at school. Because of this, I thought he was right, but I never enjoyed being intimate with him. If I said I didn’t want something, it was not accepted. He regularly checked whether I was home alone, then he would come over and we would have sex. Sexual acts also often took place at the football club.

‘My first boyfriend noticed that it was difficult for me to be intimate with him’

‘He had me completely under his spell. If he was nice, I would do anything for him. I was lonely and liked someone to give me ‘love’. He knew exactly how to play me; by taking advantage of my insecurity and naivety.’

Break up

‘On the day I received my MAVO diploma, I decided that this had to end. I sent him a text message saying that I was breaking up with him. Unfortunately, this was not the end. It only really stopped after a few months. In the meantime, he also became increasingly meaner. He made it clear to others what he thought of me, and that was anything but positive.

‘It was only many years later that I realized that I had been abused by my football coach. My first boyfriend noticed that it was difficult for me to be intimate with him. When I said ‘no’ to him one day and he accepted that, I burst into tears.

‘I told him what had happened to me and he encouraged me to tell my parents. My mother was very shocked and my father was very angry. Also with himself. He was also the coach of my football team at the time and thought that he should have protected me better.

‘In the same period, a friend, with whom I used to play at the same football club, came to me with a story about our old football coach. She had heard that he had sent strange messages to girls he was training.

‘I recognized the content of those messages and became very angry that he had done it to someone else too. It took another two years before I was ready to report it. At that time I did not know that he had also been convicted of ‘grooming’, making online contact with a child to meet them and committing sexual abuse.

‘At the end of December 2022 I received a call from the police: he had been questioned and he had confessed. In the end it took another two years before the case appeared in court.’

Court case

‘The hearing took place last November. My lawyer had reserved a victim’s room, so that I didn’t have to meet him beforehand. My current boyfriend, a girlfriend and a colleague had come along to support me. When I saw him during the hearing, I had a strange feeling.

‘I had forgotten what his voice sounded like and I thought it was strange to see his body language again. It all seemed very familiar to me. As a victim, you watch from the sidelines during such a hearing and you hear all sorts of things that you are not allowed to respond to. That is difficult, because I often thought: ‘what a load of rubbish’.

‘Fortunately, I was allowed to use my right to speak. It took me more than two years to get my story down on paper properly. Once I was there, I had the strength to look at him. He avoided my gaze and looked straight ahead. In a way, that felt good. As if I finally had power over him. He was given the chance to respond to my victim statement, but said nothing. I think that was very cowardly.

‘I forgot what his voice sounded like’

‘He showed very little remorse throughout the entire hearing, and he never apologized once. I still find that difficult. It’s nice to get some form of recognition from the person who did something to you, confirmation that it was wrong, that it shouldn’t have happened, and that the person takes responsibility. I think it can be healing.’

Punishment

‘The verdict followed two weeks after the hearing. My old football coach was given a community service order of 120 hours and mandatory therapy. He was also sentenced to 91 days in prison, 90 of which were conditional. He must serve these days if he seeks contact with minors within a year or does not seek supervision. Finally, he must pay me 3,800 euros in damages.

‘Does this satisfy me? Absolutely not. I had read up on the matter and knew roughly what the minimum amount of damages was in similar legal cases. I am also dissatisfied with the rest of the sentence. My non-rational side would have preferred to see him in prison. At the same time, I realise that isolation in prison often leads to recidivism (repetition of criminal behaviour, ed.), and of course I do not want that.

‘What bothers me most is the low sentence he received, because he was previously convicted of grooming. In addition, the judge said that the abuse took place a long time ago. I find that reprehensible, because it discourages people from reporting the incident. Imagine that you were in the same situation as me and then read such a statement. That signal is simply not correct.

‘It also frustrates me that his probationary period is only one year. That conditional sentence only applies if he reoffends within that year, while as far as I’m concerned such a probationary period should apply for life.’

Student life

‘Unfortunately, sexually transgressive behavior occurs frequently, also in student life. Because I know that I am not very good at saying ‘no’, I avoid situations where people might cross my boundaries. I am afraid that I will not be able to stand up for myself. For that reason, I have never really been a party animal. In that respect, I do feel robbed, I would have preferred it to be different.

‘What happened is constantly on my mind. It feels like there is a big bubble in my head that is filled with bad experiences. One time, the bubble is filled with the lawsuit. Another time, I have a flashback of the abuse. And yet another time, the bubble is filled with overwhelming emotions of anger or sadness.

‘I avoid situations where people might cross my boundaries’

‘You try to study for exams and absorb course material in the small spaces outside the bubble. But because the bubble cannot be made small, there is often no room for that.’

Future

‘Women like Gisèle Pélicot inspire me to speak out. Despite what happened to her, she does not come across as bitter. That changes the image of victims. Women are usually portrayed as vulnerable, fragile or weak, but Gisèle shows that women can also be strong, self-confident and resilient, regardless of what they have been through.

‘How do I see my future? I don’t know exactly. I once started studying law with the idea of ​​doing something in administrative or environmental law. But after my own lawsuit, I am wondering whether I should focus on criminal law after all, so that I can become a victim advocate.

‘I know how important it is to have a good lawyer. I have the feeling that the current victim advocacy is done by law firms on the side to complete a criminal law practice. There are not many lawyers who really have a huge passion for it. I think I do have that passion, whether I can handle it remains to be seen.’