Royalty goes down the toilet

If you hadn’t been so drunk on Queen’s Day and had watched the news, you’d have seen the nation’s future king, Prince Willem-Alexander performing a very peculiar ritual. He spent the birthday of his royal Grandmother participating in a competition in throwing toilet seats. And, horror of horrors, he won.

Let’s face it; the current state of European royalty is shitty. If that’s the case, what is left for millions of hopeful teenage girls longing for prince charming? A poster with Prince William above their beds is out of the question (sorry, ladies, he’s already taken). Prince Harry of Wales is a weed smoker. Prince Albert of Monaco has a hair deficit. So the only option is to have a poster with the Dutch prince photographed in the most dramatic moment of his famous toilet swing. His eyes focused on the target, his muscles flexed, his wet lips slightly open…

Perhaps toilet seats will prove to be more than just a great source of entertainment and will replace some royal insignia. Who needs an expensive throne, when a toilet seat is much more comfortable to sit on? And with some small adjustments it can serve as a means of transportation that is much safer than a galloping, wild horse. And don’t get me started about the endless fashion possibilities for an original headwear.

So it seems that they only remnants of the fairy tale world can be watched in “Shrek” movies. It gives me hope, as it probably does to those millions of desperate wanna-be princesses. Here, at least an ogre becomes a prince, and in reality a prince seems to turn into a toilet-throwing ogre. And I know they say that a lucky girl should wholeheartedly support her royal husband’s career choices.  But if the prince is concerned more with the sanitary issues in his kingdom than his chivalry skills, I’d rather stay with the dragon.